COMING to therapy for the first time “is not an easy thing to do” but is something that can deliver incredible results, a Clare psychotherapist has highlighted.
Working out of Ennis Therapy Centre, Seamus Garry says that while attitudes among younger men are changing, many older men continue to struggle with feelings of judgement as well as concerns that seeking help for their mental health is a sign of weakness.
The Bunratty man has personal experience of therapy, having sought help in his mid-twenties following his return to Ireland from America and has been attending counselling for around 25 years. Reevaluating his career in 2017 and 2018, along with feedback from friends that he was a good listener and spoke emphatically about his own experiences, encouraged him to pursue psychotherapy. He completed a one-year certificate in psychotherapy and counselling before going on to obtain an honours degree in psychotherapy from Middlesex University through PCI College.
Speaking to The Clare Echo, Seamus said many of the men he encounters in therapy are dealing with issues surrounding self-worth, self-esteem, judgement and childhood trauma while he stresses that no two clients are the same.
“Everybody’s kind of different. We all have our own story. We all have our own issues and traumas”, said Seamus.
The therapist outlined that many of these difficulties can remain buried while men are occupied with work and family responsibilities in their twenties, thirties and forties, only beginning to resurface as life becomes quieter.
“A lot of it is childhood trauma, believe it or not. A lot of it is anxiety, self-worth, and being judged, which is a real Irish thing, I think”, Seamus noted.
Seamus finds that while younger men are increasingly more willing to discuss their mental health, a significant hesitation remains amongst older generations. The therapist mentioned that many male clients could have his contact details for several months before eventually making an appointment.
“Most of the male clients that I have, they’re sitting on it. They have my number for two, three, four, five months. There can be a lot of judgement again. It goes back to, ‘Am I vulnerable? Am I putting myself out there? Am I being judged?’”, Seamus explained.
Seamus also highlighted the particular challenges facing men living in rural communities, particularly among older generations who may have fewer visible mental health resources available to them. Farmers can be particularly vulnerable to isolation, he said, explaining that farming can be “a very, very lonely occupation” for some people at times due to the long hours spent working alone.
Male dominated environments such as trades can also cause mental health difficulties. Seamus said that while he did not want to generalise, the pressure to be “thick skinned and tough” can make it difficult for some men to acknowledge when they are struggling.
“There’s a lot of piss taking and slagging”, he explained. “Some lads can take it, but it really can affect lads as well”.
Establishing a relationship with a client is one of the most important aspects of therapy, particularly when working with men who may initially find it difficult to discuss their emotions with a stranger, Seamus outlines.
“When you have a man who’s 50, 60 years of age coming in and sitting in front of a guy who he’s never met before, he’s kind of going, ‘Well, I’m opening up to this guy. I’m telling him my deepest thoughts, maybe my darkest thoughts, maybe my struggles,”, he said.
The process of building trust can take several sessions, with Seamus noting that it can sometimes take four, five or six sessions before a breakthrough is reached. Significant results can be unearthed following repeat visits.
“They start to believe in themselves. They’re able to sit in their own vulnerability. That’s a very important word. It’s sitting in your vulnerability. If you can sit in your vulnerability or with your vulnerability, you’re on your road”.
The Bunratty man believes that greater awareness and normalisation of men’s mental health support is needed across Clare, particularly among people who may not engage with social media.
He suggested that radio interviews, community talks and other local initiatives could help make conversations about mental health more commonplace.
“It’s about normalising,” he said. “There’s a certain generation out there that’s not on social media. So, they might listen to the radio. It’s doing interviews like this”, Seamus added.
Seamus is a person-centred psychotherapist and counsellor and is available for consultation in person or online at 0872694717 or at support@therapywithseamus.ie
