It’s always interesting to see how we struggle with the idea of putting ourselves first. This is a
narrative I had in my life for many years. We were raised to think that we should always put others
before ourselves and this is what makes us a “good person” or “caring person. Where is the value of
self in this belief? Growing up with this, I believe was the norm/a way of thinking/a way of being.
Over the years I have also seen this narrative presented in the clinic. If we could change that
narrative from putting others before ourselves…by any chance would that be okay! Moreover, could
we dismantle the old way of thinking and gently bring a new narrative and put ourselves front and
centre of our lives.
There are many angles and aspects of self-care and one of the most important I believe is our
thoughts. I say “when we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change”. We know
from mindfulness and positive psychology, that we are what we think. Perhaps its okay to put
ourselves first, this is an enormous change, a shift, a new way of being, a new way of thinking, not
easy, perhaps even creating fear. We become what we think about “we cannot pour from an empty
cup”. As a full time mom I used to get up each morning and do my morning routine before I would
get my children up. Putting myself first empowered me with a powerful mindset and created a
wonderful flow to my day. We must fill our own cup first.
“Unless we go within, we go without” This is why I created a course called “Inner Vision”, “Energy
Mindfulness & Positive Psychology” and also a Women’s one day retreat in Hotel Woodstock.
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We have about 60,000 thoughts daily. Many of them the same thoughts we had yesterday and the
day before. This is habitual thinking, a personal train of thought/ a personal way of thinking. Perhaps
many of the thoughts are positive and perhaps many are not so positive. What if we were to
discover an inner critic. Do I have an inner critic? Is that inner critic active? Is that inner critic out of
control? Is it subtle, ever present, always going on in the background? What does my inner critic
sound like? When we turn a light on the train of thought of the mind we come to an awareness/a
crossroad. We can choose to make the journey to self-care, to dismantle the old thoughts. We can
allow the inner critic to get off the train at the next stop. What would that feel like? We have often
heard it said, “if you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself”.
Perhaps I could live in freedom, peace, contentment, with ease or even enjoy my own company.
There are many ways to put ourselves first in our lives. Self-care is not selfishness or being self-
centred, it is taking care of yourself.
The beginning of the year is a great time to work on a new you, to believe in yourself, to trust in your
ability to know that you have the power to create a life that is fulfilling and meaningful. Some other
selfcare techniques to start 2025 as your best year yet are get out in nature, adopt healthy habits,
take breaks without feeling guilty, prioritise happiness over perfection, set boundaries, find your
power song and play it regularly, gratitude, breathe.
It doesn’t have to be everything at once, but possibly taking small steps over the next few weeks will
take you on the journey to self-care and putting yourself first in your life.
