*Photograph: Páraic McMahon
MILTOWN MALBAY’s lead in constructing a remembrance bench for loved ones lost to suicide can be replicated all across the county.
Nestled in the church car park of Miltown Malbay since September 2023 is a remembrance bench for individuals who died by suicide, it serves as a place for loved ones to sit, reflect and remember.
Adorned in the Miltown Malbay colours of claret and gold mixed with the saffron and blue of Clare, the bench also carries the message ‘may you stay forever young’ with a tree of hope located beside it.
Cathy Sexton of Church St, Miltown Malbay who died in May 2023 was the driving force behind the arrival of the bench to West Clare. She and her son Fionn were inspired by a trip to the town park in Charleville, Co Cork when they saw a remembrance bench which had been installed by the Charleville Suicide Remembrance Group, a group founded by Margaret O’Callaghan who lost her own son to suicide in the early 1990s.
In July 2015, Cathy lost her son Tadhg to suicide so when she saw the Charleville bench, she knew it was worth getting a Miltown Malbay equivalent. That trip to Cork was in March 2020.
Charleville Suicide Remembrance Group raised enough funds through private donations and collections to get twenty benches and twenty trees, they had one left when Cathy’s partner Pearse Connolly made contact to try get one to Miltown Malbay. “She had one left and gave me that one, I went up on the Sunday to collect it, the following Wednesday the Taoiseach was speaking in Washington to say we were going into a lockdown so for three years this bench was in my shed, Cathy was always adamant that we get this done,” he recalled.
Support of Clare County Council through senior executive officer John O’Malley and foreman Martin Griffin was key to helping Cathy’s wish become a reality, Pearse noted. “I wanted the Council to do it because I knew it would be done right, he made sure it was under the light so if anyone is here at night time it will be seen. The late Cathy Sexton was the driving force, this was her favourite spot and she used to sit at one of the benches here”.
Pearse recalled, “Cathy was actually in Milford Hospice when I got the phone call from the foreman Martin Griffin to tell me ‘we’d have that job done by August’. Cathy was in the bed and I told her Martin said it would be done by August, she said ‘I won’t be here but you make sure it is done’. Fr Donagh O’Meara came over to bless it and a good crowd turned up, we had a bit of music in the background with Ann Rynne and Fionn Sexton playing, there was a great buzz”.
Cathy would be very pleased with the bench, he felt. “She would love it, that was her dream, it was nothing to do with me really, I just made a few phone calls, she drove it, she lost her son Tadhg and knew this would be ideal for Miltown. It has the tree of hope behind it which will grow eventually, it will keep growing, other trees have been planted in memory of loved ones”.
He continued, “I’d be driving up and down to work and I’d always throw my eye over this direction, there is always someone sitting here which means they have walked past two benches to sit here, someone sitting here generally means they have lost someone through suicide and they want to remember them”.
Suicide’s impact has been felt in every parish in Ireland, Pearse observed. “Every parish all around the country has been impacted by suicide, within Miltown Malbay since I came here twenty eight years ago there has been a lot of suicides, it is sad, a lot of young people and a lot of the suicides we don’t even know about”.
Speaking to The Clare Echo, Pearse outlined that parishes across the county were more than capable of getting their own bench. “If any other parish wanted to do it, they can do it in their town’s colours and the Clare colours on another side, the local men’s shed group could donate a bench, if they were in touch with the Council and that is the most important because they would have the land, they have the expertise and put all of this down, if the Council do it then it is done right”.
He said, “I think a lot of people in every parish will suddenly say this is a great idea, one little bench and it will help people out. It is a space out in the open, unfortunately a lot of young people are committing suicide, I see young people sitting here, I don’t know who they are remembering but they are remembering someone”.
Costs with such a project could be kept very low, the Charleville native maintained. “If the men’s shed they can do it with whatever donation they get, all I had to do was go to Charleville and collect it, Margaret wouldn’t take any payment, she had collected the money already, people could collect the money in their own parish but surely the men’s shed or some company could donate the bench”.
“It is for people to remember their loved ones, there is a lot of stigma attached to suicide, sometimes people don’t want to talk about it, when they see the bench it kind of opens them up that you know we can talk about this. We were planting the daffodils one day, a woman was sitting here and she told me about her husband committing suicide suddenly, she drove over from Ennis because she heard about the bench. I think every other parish in the county could try to get a bench,” he concluded.
Whatever you are going through, you don’t have to face it alone. Call Samaritans for free on 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org or visit www.samaritans.org for more information
